Friday Thoughts

WARSAW (Reuters) – A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment’s employees. Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.

“I was dumfounded. I thought I was dreaming,” the husband told the newspaper on Wednesday.

The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported.

Would have loved to hear the argument that ensued.


You might have to read this one out loud.
Hamish and Dougal are sitting in the pub discussing Hamish’s forthcoming wedding.

“Ach, it’s all going grand,” says Hamish. “I’ve got everything organized already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night.”

Dougal nods approvingly.

“Heavens, I’ve even bought a kilt to be married in,” continues Hamish.

“A kilt?” exclaims Dougal. “You’ll look pure smart in that, and what’s the tartan?”

“Och,” says Hamish, “I imagine she’ll be in white.”

Picture this
– When the digital camera came along, the long-reigning king of photographic convenience, the Polaroid camera, was dethroned. Digital technology robbed the point-and-shoot Polaroid of its market share until it effectively died as a consumer product.
The last roll of instant Polaroid film will roll off the line very soon and some types of Polaroid film are already gone. Buy some and save it for an investment anyone? Might do better than stocks.
Andy Warhol loved his Polaroid camera, and for years snapped pants-down crotch-shots of any visitors to his factory who would submit to his prying lens.
At the CES show mentioned below, Polariod announced a new digital camera with a built in printer to be introduced later this year, so you can take digital pics and print them. First comments are that it is not good quality.
It also announced a printer that uses no ink, just special paper and it won an award, and the pics do come out good. Too bad iPolaroid didn’t use that printer with its own camera.

That reminds me:
What do they call Eskimo hemorrhoids? Polaroids.
What do penguins see with? Polarize.
True – Polar Bears are left handed.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.
If you were to cross a Polish person with a one legged android, what would you have? A Polaroid one step.

True – New Study: Exercise won’t make you thin.   Researchers from Loyola University Health System and other centers compared African American women in metropolitan Chicago with women in rural Nigeria. On average, the Chicago women weighed 184 pounds and the Nigerian women weighed 127 pounds.

Researchers had expected to find that the slimmer Nigerian women would be more physically active. To their surprise, they found no significant difference between the two groups in the amount of calories burned during physical activity.

“Decreased physical activity may not be the primary driver of the obesity epidemic,” said Loyola nutritionist Amy Luke, a member of the study team.

There must be a Duh award for stupid studies like these. Do ya think they might have looked at volume of food intake.

What’s the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
The prostitute says, “Are you done yet?”
The nymphomaniac says, “Are you done already?”
The blonde says, “Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”
Here they come – CES 2009, the largest consumer electronic show in the world started in Vegas yesterday. There will be many announcements during the show that will tell us what is hot and what is not for the coming year. Cool stuff like car internet radio (now that car satellite radio is dead), new TVs thinner and bigger and costlier than ever (6.5mm – thats about a quarter inch), a pc built into a keyboard with an integrated small monitor, many wrist picture cams and phones (ala Dick Tracy, only 50 years later), a bunch of iphone lookalikes,  more wireless stuff like tvs, new OLED tvs (50 inches), a bunch of ‘green’ crap technology that will cost more and do less,  3D home theater, and saving the best till last – terrabyte SD cards – OOOOHHH I can hardly stand it. I love this stuff.


Shameless self promotion – ‘Gracious Me. . . Is Nothing Sacred’ is now available in England at AmazonUK  for only 25.95 pounds, that’s over 37 dollars. It is cheaper in the US at only 16 bucks. A few of my other books are now also available in the UK. If you have friends and relatives over there, let them know they too can now experience the joy of American wit. I enjoy the English wit of charging more than double the price. PS – I don’t get a penny more for it.


Healthcare Update – The health care sector could receive more than $100 billion under the $775 billion economic stimulus being prepared by the Dems in Congress. About $80 billion would be used to bolster state Medicaid programs. An estimated $20 billion would go toward modernizing the delivery system for health services.

I detect a pattern here – the proportion seems to be holding true – 80% for the poor and a tidbit for the rest. It is the what they did for the jobs package, except it was 80% poor and 20% new government jobs with no tidbits for the rest. Of course, we get to pick up 100% of the tab.

Ban children’s clothes – a new law taking effect February 10th requires all children’s (under 12) clothing and toys to be tested for lead and phthalates. Any product not tested by that day will be considered hazardous waste, regardless whether they contain lead.

Currently the law is retroactive to any clothes and toys on the shelves and could have a devastating effect on some businesses. It includes products made in the US and not just those that import from China or elsewhere.

This fiasco in the making should be on the news soon. If you have children or grandchildren with birthdays coming up, buy before Feb 10.

Terrible Tommy: “What is ‘extinct’?”
Teacher: “If all life on earth were wiped out, you could say the human race was extinct.”
Terrible Tommy: “But who would you say it to?”

In any moment of decision
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing, and
the worst thing you can do is nothing.

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