Archive for the ‘Interesting’ Category

Friday Thoughts

Friday, January 16th, 2009

I get a monthly email from the aptly named  Project Gutenberg and as of December 2008, it has 32,552 e-books, in its library. Project Gutenberg is the life work of Michael Hart, who wants to make available free e-books for the world. He started in 1971 digitizing out-of-copyright books. Since then, he has volunteers from around the world, scanning, reading, proofing, books and making them ready for the world to access for free.

I downloaded the Sherlock Holmes series a few years ago and most of Edgar Allen Poe’s stuff. Great reading! It’s fun just to browse through the catalog. If you like reading, you will find a treasure trove of goodies. You can also get audio books and CDs. The only downside is that you can preview so much that you will be lost for hours. If you have children or grandchildren in school, it might be easier to get them to an online library like this one.

“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb. . . and I also know that I’m not blonde.” – Dolly Parton

Sony’s new camera for $500 has web access to send your photos instantly from the camera to the web. The only thing that doesn’t seem to have web access these days is the toilet. We have shower screens to check email in the shower (what geek came up with that one?), TV screens behind the mirror so you can get your fix while you shave or put on your makeup. Refrigerators and ovens have built in screens, cars have direct access, phones can do everything. Next, they will probably put GPS, phone, and email in rifle stocks so you can find out where you are and tell the world what you just shot, send a picture, and call your friends to help you drag the poor critter back to the truck – all in real time.


More health woes – Experts worry about recession weight gain with numerous studies linking obesity and unhealthy eating habits to low incomes. Health professionals worry that the current recession will spur weight gain. Experts are concerned people will cut back on healthy, but relatively expensive items, such as fresh fish, fruit, vegetables and whole grains, and instead purchase cheaper foods high in sugar and saturated fats.
So, we eat too much when times are good and we are too prosperous and we eat too much when in a recession. Why do these fear mongers always have to tie the economy to everything? We eat what we like, what’s to study? My only fear is that the new Obamarxists will begin to outlaw what is bad for us. I’ll give up my potato chips when they pry them from my cold dead hands.

Sex cures headaches. Endorphins released into our bloodstream when we have sex not only give us pleasure, but also act as painkillers. Useful information for the next time your partner uses a headache as a reason to say no.

Global warming wrong, again – The recent acceleration of glacier melt-off in Greenland, which some scientists fear could dramatically raise sea levels, may only be a temporary phenomenon, according to a study published last January.

Researchers in Britain and the United States devised computer models to test three scenarios that could account for rapid (by the standards applied to glaciers) melting of the Helheim Glacier, one of Greenland’s largest.

Two were based on changes caused directly by global warming: an increase in the flow of water that greases the underside of the glacier as it slides toward the sea, and a general thinning due to melting.

A team led by Faezeh Nick of Durham University in Britain found that neither of these scenarios matched the data. “They simply don’t fit what we have observed,” said co-author Andreas Vieli in an interview. “The third computer model, which hypothesized that melt-off was triggered by changing conditions in the confined area where the glacier meets the sea fit like a glove. You cannot maintain these very high rates of peak mass loss for very long. The glaciers start to retreat and settle into a new an relatively stable state,” he said. The Helheim Glacier, along with several others in Greenland, started to slow down in 2007.”
Guess the slowing of the melt-off doesn’t fit the algore model of scarem and snarem fearmongering.


Digital TV – Had to sneak this one in from Yesterday. You probably know by now, the analog TV shutdown mandated by Congress to free up space in the airwaves for other services, is scheduled for Feb 17, except Wilmington, NC, which started last September. Hawaii’s change started yesterday so analog transmission towers can be taken down before the nesting season of the dark-rumped petrel, a volcano-dwelling endangered bird. (How cute)

The federal government has run out of money for $40 coupons to subsidize converter boxes, so President-elect Barack Obama’s transition team (this team of vultures is un-endangered) has asked Congress to delay the shut-off. No word on approval yet. Stay tuned.

PS – If you are planning to replace a ‘tummy TV’ or other old TVs, make sure the new one can handle digital without the box. I have been looking for one to replace my 34 year old Trinitron in my bedroom and found a number of cheap HDTVs, but the specs show that they are only NTSC compliant, not the new ATSC for digital (meaning I would have to buy a box or add it to cable). Caveat Emptor.

It has been determined the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.

A smile starts on the lips, a grin spreads to the eyes, a chuckle comes from the belly; but a good laugh bursts forth from the soul, overflows, and bubbles all around.

New Mind Game

Monday, January 12th, 2009

A new game, called Mind Flex from toy maker Mattel, allows players to move a ball around an obstacle course by using just their powers of concentration. Mind Flex relies on EEG technology to measure brain wave activity through a headset equipped with sensors for the forehead and earlobes.

Focusing on the ball causes a fan in the base of the game to start up and lift the ball on a gentle stream of air. Once a player has the ball in the air they need to try to weave it through hoops, towers and other obstacles.

“It’s a mind-eye coordination game,” said Mattel’s Tim Sheridan. “As you relax you’ll find that the ball drops.”

The game will be available in September for eighty dollars, and was displayed by Mattel at the annual Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas.

Friday Thoughts

Saturday, January 10th, 2009

WARSAW (Reuters) – A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment’s employees. Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.

“I was dumfounded. I thought I was dreaming,” the husband told the newspaper on Wednesday.

The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported.

Would have loved to hear the argument that ensued.


You might have to read this one out loud.
Hamish and Dougal are sitting in the pub discussing Hamish’s forthcoming wedding.

“Ach, it’s all going grand,” says Hamish. “I’ve got everything organized already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night.”

Dougal nods approvingly.

“Heavens, I’ve even bought a kilt to be married in,” continues Hamish.

“A kilt?” exclaims Dougal. “You’ll look pure smart in that, and what’s the tartan?”

“Och,” says Hamish, “I imagine she’ll be in white.”

Picture this
– When the digital camera came along, the long-reigning king of photographic convenience, the Polaroid camera, was dethroned. Digital technology robbed the point-and-shoot Polaroid of its market share until it effectively died as a consumer product.
The last roll of instant Polaroid film will roll off the line very soon and some types of Polaroid film are already gone. Buy some and save it for an investment anyone? Might do better than stocks.
Andy Warhol loved his Polaroid camera, and for years snapped pants-down crotch-shots of any visitors to his factory who would submit to his prying lens.
At the CES show mentioned below, Polariod announced a new digital camera with a built in printer to be introduced later this year, so you can take digital pics and print them. First comments are that it is not good quality.
It also announced a printer that uses no ink, just special paper and it won an award, and the pics do come out good. Too bad iPolaroid didn’t use that printer with its own camera.

That reminds me:
What do they call Eskimo hemorrhoids? Polaroids.
What do penguins see with? Polarize.
True – Polar Bears are left handed.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.
If you were to cross a Polish person with a one legged android, what would you have? A Polaroid one step.

True – New Study: Exercise won’t make you thin.   Researchers from Loyola University Health System and other centers compared African American women in metropolitan Chicago with women in rural Nigeria. On average, the Chicago women weighed 184 pounds and the Nigerian women weighed 127 pounds.

Researchers had expected to find that the slimmer Nigerian women would be more physically active. To their surprise, they found no significant difference between the two groups in the amount of calories burned during physical activity.

“Decreased physical activity may not be the primary driver of the obesity epidemic,” said Loyola nutritionist Amy Luke, a member of the study team.

There must be a Duh award for stupid studies like these. Do ya think they might have looked at volume of food intake.

What’s the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
The prostitute says, “Are you done yet?”
The nymphomaniac says, “Are you done already?”
The blonde says, “Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”
Here they come – CES 2009, the largest consumer electronic show in the world started in Vegas yesterday. There will be many announcements during the show that will tell us what is hot and what is not for the coming year. Cool stuff like car internet radio (now that car satellite radio is dead), new TVs thinner and bigger and costlier than ever (6.5mm – thats about a quarter inch), a pc built into a keyboard with an integrated small monitor, many wrist picture cams and phones (ala Dick Tracy, only 50 years later), a bunch of iphone lookalikes,  more wireless stuff like tvs, new OLED tvs (50 inches), a bunch of ‘green’ crap technology that will cost more and do less,  3D home theater, and saving the best till last – terrabyte SD cards – OOOOHHH I can hardly stand it. I love this stuff.


Shameless self promotion – ‘Gracious Me. . . Is Nothing Sacred’ is now available in England at AmazonUK  for only 25.95 pounds, that’s over 37 dollars. It is cheaper in the US at only 16 bucks. A few of my other books are now also available in the UK. If you have friends and relatives over there, let them know they too can now experience the joy of American wit. I enjoy the English wit of charging more than double the price. PS – I don’t get a penny more for it.


Healthcare Update – The health care sector could receive more than $100 billion under the $775 billion economic stimulus being prepared by the Dems in Congress. About $80 billion would be used to bolster state Medicaid programs. An estimated $20 billion would go toward modernizing the delivery system for health services.

I detect a pattern here – the proportion seems to be holding true – 80% for the poor and a tidbit for the rest. It is the what they did for the jobs package, except it was 80% poor and 20% new government jobs with no tidbits for the rest. Of course, we get to pick up 100% of the tab.

Ban children’s clothes – a new law taking effect February 10th requires all children’s (under 12) clothing and toys to be tested for lead and phthalates. Any product not tested by that day will be considered hazardous waste, regardless whether they contain lead.

Currently the law is retroactive to any clothes and toys on the shelves and could have a devastating effect on some businesses. It includes products made in the US and not just those that import from China or elsewhere.

This fiasco in the making should be on the news soon. If you have children or grandchildren with birthdays coming up, buy before Feb 10.

Terrible Tommy: “What is ‘extinct’?”
Teacher: “If all life on earth were wiped out, you could say the human race was extinct.”
Terrible Tommy: “But who would you say it to?”

In any moment of decision
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing, and
the worst thing you can do is nothing.

Wednesday Thoughts

Wednesday, January 7th, 2009

Work is something that when we have it we wish we didn’t;
when we don’t have it we wish we did, and
the object is to be able to afford not to do any someday.

Women wear perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men, but men don’t like smelly flowers. They should wear a scent called new car interior.

Thought I would share someone else’s opinion of the global warming situation.
Buzz Aldrin, Astronaut
“I absolutely do not feel that we as humans are threatening the survival of the world. The world’s been here a very long time. We’re inhabitants. We make use of the resources here and the world is changing, and it has been changing because of the position of the sun in the Milky Way galaxy; and the perturbations, the changes in the orbital parameters, are always going through cycles, and the world will recover from whatever cycle it has to be going through. We can be very concerned about what’s changing and say, “Wouldn’t it be nice if it just stayed just the way it is?” Well, as other people — this is not original with me — but as other people have observed, what right do we have to say that whatever exists right now should be the way it should be forever and ever? It may get much, much better for a number of people, it may get much, much worse. And we can expend all sorts of energies trying to maintain a stable condition at great cost.”

Another one –
The General Motors exec behind the Chevrolet Volt electric car hands environmentalists another twig to beat GM with when he reportedly calls global warming “a crock of shit.”
Bob Lutz, GM’s vice chairman for product development, later addresses the uproar on his own blog: “General Motors is dedicated to the removal of cars and trucks from the environmental equation, period.

Barack and Michelle Obama are looking for a church in Washington to attend. Apparently, the Obamas ask every prospective pastor the same question, “Have you ever been videotaped screaming ‘God damn America‘?” – Conan O’Brien
Our government bailout in action
When Congress is done with it, Paulson’s proposal for saving the U.S. financial system balloons to 451 pages and is loaded with pork barrel spending – including, a cut in taxes on toy arrows and an extended tax break on “wool products.” Backers of the arrow tax exemption – section 503, say it reverses a wrongheaded 2004 law that sharply increased tax rates on cheap kids’ arrows. Also provisions for company credit for employee bicycle riders, cost recovery for motorsport racetrack facilities, tax incentives for investment in District of Columbia, Indian employment credit, income averageing for amounts received from Exxon Valdez incident, Paul Wellstone and Pete Domenici Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act, special projects on Federal land, carbon tax code audit (this one will cost us), etc. I could go on. Bottom line – Why should we believe change is in the air – except money changing from our wallets to those slugs in Washington.
Last time I went to a hotel, I told the receptionist, “I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled.”
She replied, “No, it’s just regular porn, you sick bastard!”
Now for something completely different, Bruce Lee playing ping pong with nunchucks. Absolutely amazing.

Why I would hate to be an egg.
1) You only get laid once.
2) You only get eaten once.
3) It takes you seven minutes to get hard.
4) You have to come in a box with 11 other guys.
5) The only one that ever sits on your face is your mother.
And now to end with an oldie-but-goodie.
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician  to ask his help in reviving her husband’s libido.

‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor.

‘Not a chance’, she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin’.

‘Not a problem’, replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’.  It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it.  Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went’.

It wasn’t a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to the progress and the poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith, bejaysus and  begorrah! T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!’

‘Really? What happened?’ asked the doctor.

‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up with a twinkle in his eye and his pants a-bulging fiercely!  With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and made love to me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an  absolute nightmare!’

‘Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good’?

‘Twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin’ here,  I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!’

Hope your new year begins and ends on a happy note and not a B flat.

Light me up

Thursday, December 11th, 2008

Blue streetlights are believed to be useful in preventing suicides and street crime, a finding that is encouraging an increasing number of railway companies to install blue light-emitting apparatus at stations to prevent people from committing suicide by jumping in front of trains. Although experts are split over the effectiveness of the blue lights, railway companies that already have installed the lighting say they have played a successful role in preventing suicides.

Glasgow, Scotland, introduced blue streetlighting to improve the city’s landscape in 2000. Afterward, the number of crimes in areas illuminated in blue noticeably decreased.

The Nara, Japan, prefectural police set up blue street lights in the prefecture in 2005, and found the number of crimes decreased by about 9 percent in blue-illuminated neighborhoods. Many other areas nationwide have followed suit.